Episode 27: My Child’s Behavior: Home vs. School

In this mini-episode, we are discussing two different sides of tantrums or behavior our kiddos have with school vs. home. I have received both sides of this question where the kiddo does great at home but not and school and vice versa. In this episode, I am guiding you like I would if we were doing 1:1 coaching to help you ask the right questions to see why this behavior is happening and how to help you navigate how to help with these. 

We discuss why my child’s different behaviors are happening, either at home or school:

• Guides to help with the different behaviors between home and school
• Every child is different, so this is just a guide.
• We go over children that don’t have tantrums at home but do at school.
• Question to ask, what is your child’s school learning environment and teaching style? What challenges are there for your child, and are they being challenged enough?
• Get the data on how they act at school; name it. And then see when it’s happening. This will require sitting with their teacher to better understand where it’s coming from. 
• A big reason could be sharing toys, something other than what they do at home. 
• Waiting is tricky for children to learn. They don’t have to do this at home. 
• Find out if your kiddo is having issues sharing closer to lunchtime or when they are more tired at the end of the day. 
• Consider adjusting bedtimes, adding more to their lunches, or maybe a snack is needed.
• Get a plan in place to see about changing this behavior before labeling them bad.
• Remember that kiddos are very accommodated at home; they don’t deal with wait times like at school.
• I remind parents that the issues children are dealing with are challenging for them to communicate with us. 
• We must help our children build resilience, help them tolerate frustration, and develop problem-solving skills.  
• Question to ask, especially for parents of neurodivergent children, are they in a place where they will thrive, or are they just trying to survive? 
• Make sure to dig deeper into why the behavior is happening before putting all the blame on the school.
• Remember that school, in general, is designed for kids to conform. 
• Why kids are acting up at home and not at school.
• Kids see other kids conforming, which can be overwhelming for your kiddos to follow, so when they get home to their safe place, they feel safe to express what they need and let their guard down. This results in tantrums and bad behaviors. 
• It might be a good idea to see if there is a different class to help where it’s more your child’s speed. 
• It’s a compliment to you as a parent when your child has tantrums or expresses hard emotions. It indicates they feel comfortable at home to do this. 
• When a child acts up at home and not at school, it’s usually because they know the structure there. They can’t get away with it. 
• Think about your boundaries in your home. Are you setting them and holding them, or are you repeating yourself repeatedly?
• Is there an agreement on parenting styles with your partner? If not, your child can be lost on what to do.
• Kids need a predictable outcome from both parents, even if they don’t like it. 
• How are you connecting with your child throughout the day? Are you on your phone or computer when answering them? Are you asking them questions, being curious, and paying your full attention to them? 
• Make sure you are validating their feelings about the boundaries you are setting for them. 
• Look at the structure and routine of your home structure. If you have hectic mornings daily, this is setting your day up that way. Too much scheduled, too much snacking before bedtime, need to adjust bedtimes. Look at all these routines to see what you can help adjust to make it easier. 
• Every family’s situation is so different. You should not be overwhelmed every day. If you are, reach out for help; 1:1 coaching, check with your doctor, mom groups, or carve out time for yourself.